Women Rant

Rant Blog: [26/08/2010]
Women Rant:
After last week’s football-engrossed blog, this week I have a subject that some people [probably males] will find funny, whilst the women will probably get a cob on and bitch to me about how they’re not like the stereotypical woman. Let’s be honest, ALL women are the same! This being said onto today’s blog.

I say this because all women are similar in so many ways... The main similarity with women is the bitching... I’ve not known one woman to not bitch over something, no matter how small it is, all women do it. The most comical one being: “OH MY GOD! Oh my word... Oh my fucking word... There are two spoons in the knife compartment!” Yes, I’ve actually heard someone say that, no word of a lie. They bitch about anything and everything, it’s true. It could be the smallest thing in the world and they’ll bitch. Men sit down and don’t give a shit. Here’s a scenario: If the TV fell off the stand and broke. A man’s reaction would probably be “oh, we’ll just buy a new one in the morning”, a woman’s response? Along the lines of “oh my fucking god, how are we gonna pay for this? I wanted new shoes, a new dress, a new pair of earrings and a new diet” [forgetting a new straight jacket sometimes too].

Women, also, tend to overreact far too easily, too much, all the time. You’d almost think they were passionate over having a moan at why there are unwashed plates in the sink. Women even have conversations without you which are quite unique, they talk to you and then either say a response back to themselves [which they assume we’d say [but never would]] or they’ll keep talking as if you did answer... It would be fun to see how a woman’s mind worked, full of list of things to do, shopping and how to wreck your head for a 10th consecutive day. Have you ever saw a woman’s reaction when they see the smallest crumb in the world on the carpet? Fuck, they hit the roof! It’s like North Korea have just set a bomb off or Michael Owen has agreed to play for Liverpool in Carragher’ testimonial [oh wait, one of them is going to happen, the other might do as well]...

I also hate the way women moan at us [males] for our “bad habits”. I’m sorry, but if women think they’re perfect and never do any “bad habits” then more fool them... I’m not just talking about picking your nose or having a farting contest with your son, I’m on about things like the shit they watch on TV or the shit they read... Women moan over us watching football too much on TV, I’d say I watch about 5-6 hours of football a week, but compare that to a woman... They watch hours and hours of shit TV shows every day [Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Gossip Girl, Twilight [ok, that’s a film but oh well], The Bill and many more shit]! Another thing is throughout the day, you ask them ‘are you ok?’, 99/100 they’ll say I’m fine and then, just as you’re about to sleep in bed, they go on and on about how they’re feeling, right as you’re about to have a good sleep... Why?! We’ve been asking you all day..

Another, major(!), habit of women is to never compliment another women, yet instead they choose to nitpick over them to make themselves look better, from things like weight to hairstyle. Only a woman could notice that a woman’s purse doesn’t match her shoes and make it sound as if the world is going to end at any given moment. If you even mention another woman’s name who she doesn’t even know [could be a co-worker at work, a friend of a friend or a long lost relative], they’ll tense up and act as if you’re the bad person and that all of a sudden something is going on. You think of the same to them and they flip a lid and start pulling out the stocks to deny it.

Women, remember this one! Males are no good at helping a woman crying on their shoulder... Women cry over all sorts, sad films, happy films, breaking a nail, bad haircuts, the lot! If it’s anything we suck at, we suck at that! If you’re gonna cry, at least make it worth it! Don’t cry over every little thing.
“Give women the ammunition and they’ll shoot you”, good advice this. This meaning that anything you ask them, will probably lead them off into a 45 minute ramble. If we ask them ‘how was your day?’ they’ll ramble on and on for ages. We only want to know if it was ok, that’s all. It’s not that we don’t care it’s just that we don’t want to know about every last bit of detail.

The biggest, most annoying, most energy draining habit they do is SHOPPING! Yes, that 8 letter word... If I could suggest one thing that would give you an idea of how hell is like, shopping would be that... For most women, there are not enough hours in the year, never mind the week, to fit in how much shopping they want to do. They sit there admiring everything, even down to how good the price tag looks [which to me is horrifying as they never go for the cheap stuff, always this “name” product where you’re paying 80% money towards the logo on the piece of clothing rather than the clothing itself].

Women think they’re god’s gift too... Have you saw a man on an iron board? Holy fuck... They take forever to get all the creases out.. A woman does it and it takes 2 seconds and it’s done, waiting to be worn, acting like it’s just been mugged.. Also, what’s this about women can multitask? Ok, they can... But they’re still no better than a man at it.. A man will do one job at a time and do it well, women will do 10 jobs at once and never finish them or they finish them but not very well, or get pissed off and tell you to do it.

All in all, women are the most confusing things on the planet.. How their minds work I’ll never know...

Moving on a bit to Liverpool and their disastrous display, despite getting the result, last night. Uncle Woy, certainly must start to wonder why he doesn’t start Ryan Babel... As soon as he came on last night, he set up a goal with his first touch of the ball. Against Man City, he came on and ran at City’s defenders and forced Joe Hart into a good save about 2 minutes after he came on. He is lethal and has done more than Torres and N’Gog. Don’t tell me about N’Gog’s 4 goals in 6 games, I don’t give a damn. 3 of them were against a pub team, and he is offside at least a million times a game. Torres just hasn’t done anything and looks less than a third of the player we had, if he is like this for the rest of the season [which I highly doubt, given a few more weeks] then I’ll be extremely gutted we never took then £50m+ being spouted about in the papers.

Also, why have you let Aquilani go on loan to Juventus? Yet, have the likes of Lucas playing, still. Aquilani is very talented and shown that in his hand full of games last season, yet is still being called a flop despite not having many chances, which is very unfair. We’ve basically given Alberto away and got Poulsen in who is looking sluggish. I hope to god Mascherano leaves, in all honesty, as not playing for Liverpool [who he is still under contract with and should play to that contract until it expires or he leaves] against Man City was a total disrespect to Liverpool. Why didn’t he play? You can’t get cup-tied or anything by playing in the league and your excuse of ‘my family can’t adapt to living in England’ doesn’t cut it with me. If they can’t cope in England then how do you know they’ll cope in Spain or Italy? If you was going back to Argentina then fair enough, but no, we all know you want to go to Inter or Barcelona, it’s the worst kept secret in football at the moment.

I still have the utmost confidence in Roy Hodgson and firmly believe he will be a success at the club.

My prediction for the game against against West Brom is:
Liverpool 4-0 West Brom. [at least]
We need a good, firm win with lots of goals to get confidence and West Brom have come at the best time, especially at home, Scott Carson looks terrible and Chelsea have already run riot against them, it’s a must win for Liverpool.
Thanks for reading, need a subject for next week so suggestions needed. Comments below.